Penning down my thoughts

Disclaimer: Not emoing, just penning down my thoughts

Most people have it, but i have none. Or maybe some. People say it is useless. But I choose to believe not. I used to have so much faith in it ,till when I start to glue up those small little things into the big one. I started to realise how it had impacted my life. Whether its good or not, I never regret having this thing. It make me sad before, make me happy before, make me feel delighted and also make me feel inferior before. Sometimes I really hate it, but i just cant seem to put it off my mind. I really hope for one, but I really am at a lost road, where there's no road signs, no direction labels, no helpful people to guide me. I tried giving up on it, but I failed. Or actually,I succeeded for a short moment. But i still failed eventually. It means different meaning to different people, but to me , its no longer to the positive side. Because I experienced too many bad encounters with it and no longer want to suffer with it anymore. But I cannot, because I know it is a part of my life, forever.